Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Year of TommyD

   Originally written and published- Wednesday, January 03, 2007 

Well, it is 1:21 A.M. on January 3, 2007 and I just got done listening to the 2 songs I listen to every night before I go to bed ("Magic"by Ben Folds Five, and "In This Heart" by Sinead O'Connor). Usually I think about my mom, but tonight I was thinking about me, and about how I will be creating 2007.

So I am creating a year of ME. This is the year I am going to create myself in my own image (yet, from nothing, at the same time).

It has only been a few months since I got to the point of accepting myself as Whole, Complete, and Perfect. After trying for 5 years it finally just happened.

Then today (well, now it's yesterday) I was given a picture, as a birthday present. It was a picture of me, and my family, taken a few hours after being born. It was in a stainless steel frame engraved with the words "Whole, Complete & Perfect". It was moving, to say the least. 

For the rest of the day I have been thinking about my life, my family, and the expectations, the people that truly know me have for me, and for my life. I have always known, that I will give something to the world, far greater then I can even imagine. Yet I still can't even see the context, in which it will arise. 

It is not that I don't know who I am; I do, or even what I have to give. So it seems that it is a function of my self expression, or the impedance of my self expression.

Looking further, I see, that if I were able to fully express who I am, not only would I fulfill this destiny, but my life, and my sense of fulfillment would exist on a higher plane. Having said that, it is clear to me that my integrity is to blame for the lack of self expression, in my life. 

So, am using the year 2007 to clean house. To deal with all the things that stand in my way, to breakthrough the obstacles of my existence. 

The next step is to distinguish these obstacles. Some of them are completely obvious, my weight, my finances, and my temper (which I believe is due to a lack of sharing myself intimately with another person, i.e.: a girlfriend), but other things are not so clear. 

That is where, I believe you can make a difference. Please respond to this, with one, or a whole list of things, you see I can go to work on, to make my self, and my life all it can be.

Thanks, and may all your dreams be big and beautiful.

Tommy D.

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